Key Techniques to Effectively Win People Over

Bruce Da Silva
4 min readAug 21, 2021

What I find fascinating is the power of relationships amongst human beings. In the jungle, non-human animals assert dominance and prowess over other animals through physical stature, hissing, biting, clawing, and some other form of savagery. Humans don’t use any of this barbarism to assert dominance or establish hierarchy. We do something much more discreet yet incredibly observable to the aware individual.

We. Use. “Sophisticated”. Language.

We have the ability to communicate with our strongest muscle (tongue) to form sounds that others recognize as a means to transmit information congruent with the lexicon we like to speak in. While this feature of the human body is unique and secluded to Homo Sapiens, it is not clear to many that, believe it or not, the battle for dominance and establishment of a hierarchy is done through the power of the tongue and the language we communicate in. Like the old saying goes, “the pen is mightier than the sword (but the tongue is mightier than them both put together)”.

What does this mean??

What I have noticed in my short 25 trips around the sun with regards to people is how susceptible we all are to influences, subtle or not, in everyday communication. I was not born with many resources ($, looks, talents, or even connections) yet found how to be resourceful and found that it made all the difference. Every human being has the 6 same human needs, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, and any other differentiator of an individual. Here are the 6 core human needs (created by Tony Robbins).

  1. Certainty — avoiding pain and finding comfort
  2. Uncertainty — variety and nicely
  3. Significance — feeling special, unique, and important
  4. Love & Connection — feeling intimacy and having strong bonds
  5. Growth — progress is happiness
  6. Contribution — Giving and stepping outside ourselves

I would like to share just a handful of techniques that I have discovered and lamented into my tool kit to maximize my chances of establishing a relationship with a stranger that needs not be zero sum. I hope this can inspire others who do not have the resources or “natural talent” to connect with others and desire to instantly win others to their side, at least initially.

Here they are

  1. Self-Deprecate — > Use situations where you lack knowledge, expertise, or even familiarity to ground yourself not as weaker than other but someone “clumsy” or “silly” with regards to the incident at hand.
  2. Mirror their Vocabulary — > Use the language spoken by the other individual to not only let them know you are both on the same page but to also avoid unnecessary trouble by introducing new information that may not be welcomed.
  3. Expand with Questions, Avoid Interview/Interrogation — > Use an expanding question to get the other to talk and share more than they had originally anticipated (even a no share is more fodder for you to better understand not just the individual but the future direction of your questions) — caution must be used to prevent the perception of an interview (although sometimes welcomed) or an interrogation from taken place.
  4. Raise them with a Compliment — > Use a specific compliment, preferably about something unique to them or something they put effort into (hair, dress style, presence) to not only raise the person you are speaking with but to paint a better silhouette of yourself in the strangers eyes.
  5. Share a Laugh — > Use humor to drive out a laugh of the stranger to create the idea that you two share something special (if they don’t laugh, laugh yourself).

More will come in following posts on techniques for not only interactions with others but ways to simply level up in one area that in theory is the key driver (after the catalyst of self-belief) for all components of daily life: human interactions.

Thank you for taking the time to read this quick little post! I am writing this before I board a flight to Europe for the next 10 days to give myself more and more exposure to the world that inhabits all different kinds of people which enables the opportunity to learn!

Please comment your thoughts on anything you loved, hated, or whatever in between.

Until next time ✌🏼

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Bruce Da Silva

27-year-young Brasilian-American living in LA on a lifetime journey of discovery and hunger for knowledge in all capacities. Welcome to my thoughts 💭